Five Reasons to Extend Your Hand

Posted on March 7, 2007

There are major benefits in getting to know your competitors on a personal level. Leave your preconceptions at the door and engage with them as people. You have little to lose and a great deal to gain.

“Hello, I’m Robert Sher with Bentley, and I just wanted to introduce myself and meet you.”

I first heard this form of greeting on a sales training tape some 20+ years ago. The notion is that most people find it very hard to reject a person directly. If you offer a reason or purpose for your visit, it is much easier to reject your reason than to reject you as a human being.

Still, despite all this, it is really hard for most people, myself included, to reach out and make new friends without an immediate need. Double or triple that difficulty if the other party is a competitor. So we procrastinate and hesitate.

Overcoming that hesitancy will set you apart and will create great opportunities, especially if you contemplate ever buying competitors’ businesses, or selling your own. It’s really up to you, since most of the competitors’ CEOs will never overcome this barrier themselves. My argument goes as follows:

Drop your preconceived notions about the mindset of your competitors. Many assume that competitors automatically dislike each other and would do anything to defeat each other. Certainly all competition is fighting for the order, and no one has any remorse when they take that order from you. But among small-to-medium-sized businesses, the competition is all in the same boat and shares the same hopes and dreams as you do. As a result of the shared experience, they take some comfort in knowing that they are not alone, and they like to share, in some small part, the experience with a peer like you. Most are just trying to make a living and grow modestly – not to become a monopoly and dominate the world. You are probably not their biggest obstacle or even close.

Meeting competitors is not about becoming best friends. The primary goal is to break the ice that naturally exists between two people who have no relationship. Some idle chatter, followed up by light periodic communication does 90% of the work. Being realistic about what you are shooting for makes it much easier to take those first steps. Sometimes you will be able to move forward to a “trading information” stage, where you may tell bits of information of use to them in exchange for information of use to you.

Ease up on your paranoia. Too many CEOs worry that passing out any information will give the competition a huge edge that will come back to bite them. I strongly disagree. While there certainly are a handful of upcoming strategic moves that should be kept completely confidential, most information about your business is not actionable by a competitor. So what if they find out your top line is $8 million instead of $4 million? Is there something different they will suddenly do with that piece of knowledge? Will they try to grow more fervently than before? I doubt it. Will they try to copy you? I’ll bet they’ve been doing that already. Turn the tables, and pretend you got some basic information about your competition. Does it change much of what you are doing? Probably not. I’m not saying to disclose willy-nilly. Give information only when you must, and give it carefully. But don’t be so apprehensive that you don’t extend your hand to your competition.

They might be interesting people. Meeting and getting to know interesting people can be fun. Why not enjoy yourself while doing business? This is the best mindset that you can have, as people will sense your curiosity and interest in them, and most people love this. Believe me, some people live the most interesting lives, often quite different from our own. When reaching out to business owners, CEOs and executives, chances are slim that they will be “boring” if you stick around long enough to let them show their true colors. Showing interest in their personal lives (as opposed to their business) is encouraged. I do admit that some will be boring to you, and if they are, just spend less time with them. You don’t have time for hundreds of friends anyway – nor are you likely to buy that many businesses!

Takeaways:

• Take the initiative to extend your hand, just for the sake of “getting to know one another.” Keep in contact occasionally.
• Don’t assume most competitors won’t want to talk with you. Most of your competitors don’t hate you.
• Don’t be afraid to trade non-strategic business information. Having a small give-and-take in a relationship builds trust and comfort. Of course, don’t tell them everything, and make what you learn from them count!
• Getting to know other business leaders in your industry can be personally rewarding and enjoyable. If they like you, you are much more likely to be selected as the preferred buyer of their business when they are ready.