Fancy and Special

Posted on September 7, 2003

The most solid rule in business is still the Golden Rule: if you treat others as if they were special, they’ll remember you when the time comes.  Here are some simple ways you can accomplish this feat.

One of my parental duties is to put my two kids to bed each night around 8PM.  The last phase of that is what my kids call “snuggle time”, where I lie next to each of them in turn on top of the covers to talk, snuggle, and tell them how proud I am of them, and that I love them.  The kids and I both really enjoy it.  But every now and then, when I’m rushed for time, I try to sneak out of it, or make it really short.  So one night, my five year old daughter thought it necessary to educate me as to why snuggle time was important to her.

Jessica said, “Daddy, I love snuggling because it makes me feel fancy and special”.  It was wonderfully cute, and an affirmation of just the way I want my kid’s self image to be.  And it reminded me of the payoff if I pay attention to her and say honest, positive things to her.

The same is true of all relationships – spouses, siblings, employees, work peers, bosses, customers, vendors and more.  Whenever you take the time to make someone feel appreciated, respected, important, or otherwise fancy and special, they will feel good, and will be more cooperative and helpful to you.

But who has the time to do this?  With the press of daily business and time pressure everywhere, most of us just concentrate on moving faster, on getting more things done in less time.  I am plenty guilty of it too.  But keeping relationships trouble free and well “tuned” often does more for you than any single task.  After all, if an employee quits, how much time does hiring and training take up?  If a customer has been “romanced” into sending more business to your competitor, how much does the lost revenue steal from your ability to “get things done”?  When your team is excited and charged up with positive thoughts, how much more do they accomplish every day?

You see, as the pace of daily business picks up, fewer and fewer people will take the time to stop and make others feel “fancy and special”.  So when you do it, it will make a bigger and bigger impact, and you’ll stand out from the crowd.

A few ideas of simple things that make a big impact.

1. Call out of the blue, and express your appreciation, or just check in.  With no self-serving agenda.
2. Say thank you at every opportunity.  Especially when it’s not expected.
3. Call staff into your office – to praise them for something that you noticed.
4. “Waste” some time on a person – chat – if just for a few minutes – about something that is important to them.
5. Every now and then, turn away from the keyboard and hand write a note.  It’s a lost art, but it’s powerful and personal.  Second best is a personal letter, on stationary, hand signed and mailed (yes, snail mailed, not e-mailed).
6. Pay a visit to them on their turf.  Stepping on a plane says a lot.  Even walking over to their office or cubical says a lot.

Most people really do appreciate the contribution of those they work with or work for.  They just forget to show it often enough.  This will all sound odd to some personalities (they are called affiliative personalities) who naturally nurture relationships as their primary style.  You probably know a few of them.  But the majority of people have to remember to make the effort to make those around them who are important feel fancy and special.